MOVED!

http://pureparanoia.wordpress.com/

I think I am really at my limits, I’ve been trying to put on a strong front, but it really does not help.

The thought of spending more than 14 hours a day in school really disgusts me, and time and time again, I am stuck at the juncture, questioning myself whether I am really that capable to take on some many academic and non-academic commitments.

I went to school with a heavy heart, knowing that no matter how much I did last night, I really could not revise for my Chemistry and History tests, what was really displeasing was that I could not even edit my debate prep. It was painful to go through every single lesson without the recurring thoughts of the coming tests.

True enough, I screwed up the tests, but for once, there was no sense of relief at all.

Is it really that important to get good grades to the extent that many people had to cheat during the tests. It really, truely digusts me, when somebody asks me for answers during a test, it is part of my obligation to give him the answers because I really and truly regard him as a dear friend, but under such circumstances, I really cannot make a decision. I will be very frank, if I were in his shoes, definitely, I would want answers for the questions I really cannot solve, but does this really help in the overall learning process and the eventuality of grasping the notion of integrity in life? How can these people feel proud of scoring well for something they blatantly cheated?

Everybody have their own aims and goals to fulfill, but many people are just so self-centered that all they care is to order you to do whatever work they want you to and the end of the day, they can scold and reprimand you for something that you have totally no obligation to do at all. This really bugs me, when I constantly try to fulfill favours that other people asked for, I ended up having to go under their whims and fancies. When I try so hard to do every single thing, I end up sacrificing my own goals and aims in life. My workload increases, my life gets disrupted, everything just falls apart.

Tonight, my father was really late in fetching me home, I was really fuming mad because I was thinking of all the things I could have done in the mean time.

But, slowly, I realized that the 30 mins I spent waiting for my father is probably the best 30 mins I have ever spent where i can truly rest my mind for the first time in many years.

Hell Week

If I can survive next week, I think it will be some record-breaking miracle.

ALL THESE IN ONE FREAKING WEEK

1. There are 4 class tests: IHC, BIO, CHEM, PHY (which determine term results)
2. There is LDP final symposium rehearsals on WED and FRI, POSTERS TO BE DONE
3. There is debate prep which will take up at least 3 evenings and Julia Gabriels 3rd-4th placing on FRI
4. There is SYPA and Photo Art photos to edit and submit.
5. There is Virtual Business challenge to monitor.
6. There is Humanities Research Paper Literature Review
7. There are IMUN policy statements
8. There are Melbourne and India Videos to edit
9. There is Asian civilization museum marketing project, survey to carry out.
10. There is open house booths to plan and prepare
11. There is TJSLC fun camp to plan before I leave.
12. There is Media-tech administrative work to settle before leaving for a month
13. There are homework and file checks for almost every single bloody subject
14. There is packing to be done for BSC, where the planee flies on SAT MORNING

To hell with all these la, seriously.

I must start learning how to say no, random work really screws up my schedules and stuff

anyway I’m no longer the FAC SEC haha,  no more sk, no more meaningless work to do.

Gonna write more some other time

out to gym =)

Look at how strong this tree is growing.
It won’t stop growing because it had lost a branch,
it will only stop growing when it wallows in self-pity
and when it gives up all hope.

Is that the case?

This doesn’t signify an end or the end.
it is a new beginning, a new start.

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.

This marks the end of our debate journey, just like that sun.
For a few months, it was really continuous physical, metal and arduous travail, but never will I regret.
Debate wanted my commitment and I gave it 101%.
The lost to NY yesterday was a veritable factory of pain, grief and disappointment.
Everybody was trying to put up a strong front, deep inside, it was rivers of tears.
The verdict was inscrutable, its was immediate, crisp and next moment,
There was plaintive cries of sorrow and grief,
with the stentorian cheers of happiness and relief from the other side,
that was it, everything is over.

I have compromised almost everything, from studies to even project work which I value a lot, and I am really proud to say I will never regret working so hard and ended up losing the competition.

To be honest, I have never ever thought of being a debater, it has never struck me as an option, especially to even take part in competitions. I was brought in to debate randomly, but thinking of how debate had now completely changed me from a young, ignorant and arrogant boy, to one who can better understand world issues and to speak confidently.

A loss is still a loss, and it was an unanimous decision, nothing could be clearer.

Is this an end or the end?

Today is the day.

Cannot afford to make mistakes and more importantly, we cannot lose.
No disappointment, no unhappiness.
We have come so far not to stop here,
HC debate all the way.

Mate in four.

1 million and one things flowing through my head now.
Hope my brain’s gonna conveniently forget stuff to do, to prevent me from working to death.

Seriously cannot believe the amount of work there is, not yet thinking about competitions, hrp, projects and conferences.

That disgusting and sickening to-do-list is really killing me
Its really never-exhausting, and its like the computer will smile at you every time you add in a new task for the day. :@
Every time you strike off something you had done, you realized there is SO MUCH more to do.

I just hope I will SURVIVE the last two days to weekend, before I get randomly caught by teachers and get screwed, and probably weekends are going to be worst, so hell yea. And its always stupid and brainless stuff I get scolded for, like requests from teachers to do up posters or edit video, when I totally have no obligation to do so, but I really cant say no in front of them…

AND I am not gonna sacrifice previous time for this Friday, it may be my last debate for the rest of the year, so metal preparation please.

Apart from all the work, some mixed emotions here and there, guess opportunities are always there, just whether I am ready for it, and whether I want it in the first place…

Alright stop ranting, get back to work, GAWWRR.

Seriously, I damn freaking pissed.

There’s no fun trying to do really childish stuff
It’s not even funny to try to impersonate other people.
I’ve been trying to bear all the jokes that you guys make.
But seriously it is not funny when other people are involved.

Just because I have friends outside the school doesn’t mean THAT I FREAKING IN LOVE WITH ALL THEM, Dammit?

Just get out of my life, screw off.

Recently, I’ve been quite weird on my blog,

just pictures, pictures and random feelings, perhaps I realized that photography could really show how I was feeling at the point of time.

Being largely absorb into work is really an excellent way to forget anything. As you work and work, you start to get numb, numb about the people around you, naturally forgetting things you don’t wish to remember, and at the end, you reap what you sow, you still get the things you want.

I really got tons of work to do, its really tons of work, its the same every single week, people just take me for granted and I really cannot say no. Its just some responsibility and I don’t really want to see the disappointment on their face. But, its like when you cannot even finish your own things and people just THINK that you’re free, just a few sentences will keep you busy for days, hell yea.

Semis this Friday, seriously dont wish to screw up like the quarters

it’ll be hell of a time.